Goodbyes

Last week I had to say goodbye to a very dear friend who moved 5 hours away. I met Andi 4 months after moving here at a home bible study. Saben was 9 months old and Audrey was just a tiny 3 month old. I didn't have a single mom friend in Bellingham and we walked into this warm bright house and met the most wonderful people - many of whom had kids close to Saben's age.

I will never forget that night, even though over half the people we met there have moved away. It was the friendliest, most interesting and warm group I have EVER met, and after months of worrying if I would ever find anyone I felt connected with in Bellingham, God brought all these amazing people into my life.

Andi was one of my first real "Mom friends", the kind I always dreamed of meeting once I became a stay at home mom. One who had kids the same age who would help ease the lonliness of being home alone all day.


Andi was all that and more, not only was she lots of fun to hang out with, she brought a wonderful perspective on motherhood. It was so inspiring to see the joy and passion she had for being a mom. I really admire her love of small beauties, her creativity around the home, her complete devotion to Audrey and the way she treasures and makes every moment of motherhood special.





After working in an office for years, getting used to being a full time mom was often hard for me but in some small way Andi helped me ease through it and learn to appreciate it more.

Of course being pregnant together was the most fun of all, we were practically pregnancy twins because both of us had c-sections and big babies the first time around. We also had the same doctor, had to decide on a VBAC vs. C-section this time and once we even got bitten by a bug on the exact same place behind our left ears.


Once we both had new infants, it was not quite as fun since we were both "trapped" in our homes, but we've managed to keep up via email, blog and infrequent visits.




It would have been hilarious to see Audrey & Saben grow up together because they are often nemeses. I think Saben is the only person Audrey has ever bitten and lately she was starting to physically push him around when she got mad. However, Saben is no innocent, last week Audrey pushed him and got in trouble and so he marched right up in her face, obviously trying to get her to push him again so she'd get in trouble. But they also had a lot of fun together and loved playing at eachothers houses.



Some of my favorite memories are of blueberry picking, going to the Everett Children's museum together, babysitting co-op, the valentine's day "party" Andi hosted for us, Andi hosting my 30th birthday while 6 months preganant and watching Audrey chase saben around the house trying get his ball and him screaming the entire time, even though he is much bigger than her. (that last one was at the Bates going away party) And of course the day Saben observed that Audrey has a tunnel instead of a pee pee.

So goodbye to our friends, we will always treasure your memory and can not wait to see you again.

sleep no sleep

Ok, I started this post DAYS ago, and every day it seems to change so I update it and then don't quite get around to posting it. Plus I read it and it is very boring so I try to make it more interesting...but who am I kidding, no one is going to find Annika's sleep problems/patterns interesting except me.

But when you are in the thick of infant sleep troubles, nothing is more important than how & when they sleep. You are obsessed.

So, I am going to go ahead and post it because it is funny and a good reminder of how crazy it is to have a newborn. And I will try really really hard to not go over every single detail of her sleep schedule every time I talk to you, but....no promises. : )

The good news: Annika slept 6-7 hours in a row the last 3 nights.
The bad news: I often can not get her to nap during the day for more than 45 minutes

Yesterday I put her down for "naps" about 12 times and she always woke up 10 minutes later until about 5pm when she finally slept for 4 hours.

Still, I know we have it pretty good since she doesn't fuss much as long as she is being held. There's always a way to calm her down as long as I don't mind her nursing 4 hours in a row or holding her constantly. Mostly she's just unpredictable, napping 3 hours one day and then not at all the next day. Generally she falls asleep for about 10 minutes and then wakes up again and she will do this 10 times in a row before I actually get her to sleep for any length of time.

I don't know how people with "colicky" babies do it, I am grumpy and exhausted from only getting 6 hours of sleep, I can't imagine less than that.

In other news, I managed to get mastitis Monday and it is very very awful. Luckily I got antibiotics and felt a lot better the next day.

Roxxy

My dog. Sigh.

She is so clever that she can tell when tomatoes are ripe. And then she picks them and eats them. Only knocking off 2-3 green tomatoes in the process. But she doesn't eat the green ones, just leaves them as evidence of her shenanigans.

Did I mention she also DUG UP all my carrotts, ate them and then puked them up in our yard?

She is adorable.

Good days & bad days

Its amazing how Wednesday can be completely awesome and I think to myself "I think I'm getting the hang of this two kid thing". We completed our first grocery shopping trip with all three of us, I got a ton done and made an awesome supper, Saben played happily all day, I had the energy to give him the attention he needed and Annika took a couple nice long naps.

Then this morning fell apart aproximately 3 minutes after I got out of bed. Saben whined & cried all day, the house was a mess when Kyle got home, I had a headache and was an emotional basket case, Roxxy made a mess of the yard (more on that later) and I didn't even have to make dinner but still got nothing done.

We seem to be on an every other day schedule, so hopefully tomorrow will be awesome!!!

Four weeks old

halfway through taking all these pics, a giant slug crawled out from under the blanket by Annika's feet. YUCK

Travel

Saben & Annika w/ Great Grandma

So last Wednesday, three weeks from Annika's birth, I packed up my two kids and we headed to Colorado with my family while Kyle took a business trip to Salt Lake City. My Dad's entire family (5 siblings and their families - 16 people) got together for the first time in a long while to celebrate my grandmother's birthday.

Originally, back in November, the trip was planned the weekend of Annika's due date. I made up some crazy story as to why I couldn't go and then called my parents and lied my head off so that we could wait till Christmas to tell them we were pregnant. As soon as I hung up I felt so awful, so I called back & let them know what was really going on. They managed to get the trip postponed 3 weeks so they would get to go and not miss Annika's birth.

I decided to go with Annika about a week before the trip when I found out Kyle would be gone that weekend. Saben was already going with my parents so the choice was a quiet weekend at home w/ just two of us or getting to go see family that I hadn't seen in years. Feeling adventurous, I chose the latter.

I can't say I would recommend travelling with a 3 week old unless it is very very important. We did have fun & I don't regret getting to see everybody, but there were some things (like lots of stairs at the condos, people/things to do far apart from each other, 2 hour drive from the airport to Breckenridge, heavy diaper bags, high altitude, moving in a large group, having to nurse so many hours out of the day) that made the trip pretty exhausting.

Luckily the family was extremely helpful - My parents, brother & sister-in-law completely took care of/spoiled Saben. Betsy & my mom seemed to read my mind most of the time and were always there to carry something for me, throw out a diaper or hold Annika when I needed it most. And of course all my Aunts & Uncles helped hold Annika which was a huge relief because she is going through a "Must be held at all times" stage.

Amazingly, the plane ride & car rides went off pretty smoothly. No puke and Annika slept through the majority of it. I might have more pics later, I stopped taking them after the first night because I had my hands full and the family was already taking plenty.

Highlights:

BBQ competition - lots of really yummy food

Getting to see my uncle Rich & cousin Jenny for the first time in over 10 years

Stopping to see old steam trains with Saben on the way home

Saben learning everyone's names & finally warming up to them - on the last night.

Shopping, pizza & Saben in the bouncy castle in Breckenridge

Saben getting to see his first lightening

Breakfast at a restaurant w/ both kids at another table

Week 2

Big brother with his new hobby - watching videos of trains on YouTube. No, not Thomas, just trains going down the tracks. As much as he loves it, you can't help but wonder - who films this stuff? And then thinks "oh, I should put that exhilerating 6 minute train footage up on YouTube!"

Annika & Saben

From the get go, Saben has acted unimpressed with his new baby sister. He immediately was able to say/learn her name, which was cute, but today he asked when Annika was going to go home. I asked him "Where is Annika's home?" and he says "At the hospital". Poor kid, he has no idea....

A couple days after being home we were finally able to get him to "hold" her for the first time, but it definitely was not his idea and we sort of forced him into it.

The first time he seemed sort of interested in her was when she had her eyes open and turned his direction. "Annika's looking at you Saben" I said. And his eyes lit up and he actually came over to see her. Then I convinced him to let her hold his hand and he liked that as well.

This week we've progressed to stroking her head and Saben likes to tell people "Annika's head is soft". He does seem to be warming up to her slowly but surely, he even asked to hold her this morning!

Saben has also been quite the miscreant lately. When the grandmas are around he's pretty good, but I swear they walk out the door and he instantly falls apart. It's especially hard because I can't force him to do anything or even put him in time out because of my c-section. He now yells "NO!!" to things he used to do without complaint and screaming fits at my creative punishments (putting away his train set) are quite common.

He's been driving kyle crazy especially, I think it might be a bit hard to have an injured/emotional wife, a newborn and a screaming toddler to deal with all at the same time.

But... things are actually getting a lot better, we had a really good day today - our first without any help whatsoever! I went to bed nice and early, we stayed home all day and I got creative by singing nursery rhymes & reading books with Saben while nursing.

Hopeful

EVERY day I click on the Bellingham Herald link, hoping for a "Trader Joes Announces Opening!" story and instead all I find is a story on how to find black tailed deer locally. Try looking by the side of the road?

Belly

I was amusing myself the other day by imagning myself proudly posting pictures week by week of my just barely, very very slowly returning to "normal" post pregnancy body - just like everyone does with their growing belly.

Very modern/feminist of me, yes? I am not saying it'd be pretty, just sort of humorous. And also kind of like that one website Shape of a Mother I mentioned last year. Even as an "old pro" (not quite), there is nothing so shocking as looking in the mirror for the first time after giving birth.

Don't worry, if I can't manage to take weekly pics of my growing belly, I'm certainly not going to pull it off with my shrinking one either.

Annika's Birth Story

July 17th
By tuesday morning it was pretty obvious that I was going to have a scheduled c-section the next morning whether I wanted to or not. I was having a really hard time seeing past my dread of the c-section itself to the excitement of meeting our baby. I actually can't pinpoint my emotions, but I was nervous, near tears and needed something to distract.

I thought of the final things left on my "to do before baby" list and called up Vale to help me go pick blueberries. I called ahead to make sure the bushes were well loaded so that it wouldn't take to long or be too hard, but I forgot to ask how tall the bushes were. We arrived and found out that though they had plenty of berries, the bushes were only knee high. Sigh.

Berries frozen, blueberry coffee cake made (we ate almost an entire pan later that evening), final meal of steaks grilled, and our last day as a three person family was drawing to a close. After I (tearfully once again) sang Saben to sleep, we watched some Simpsons and miraculously I felt completely at ease for the first time all day. I fell asleep almost immediately without once worrying about the next day. (ok, maybe just once)

July 18th
4:30 am I wake up to use the washroom, yet again, and suddenly I am wide awake. Really really wide awake, thinking about what's going to happen in a few hours. After admitting to God that I am sort of freaked out about being cut open again, I start thinking about the baby and suddenly I am completely euphoric and excited. "I'm having a baby! Today! In just a few hours!" She is kicking me and it is hard to imagine that I will soon get to see her sweet face and that she will be jerked out of her warm happy world.

I fall back asleep finally an hour or so later and the big day arrives. Wanting to take full advantage of the benefits that a planned birth allow, I woke up early to put on makeup and straighten my hair so I'd look awesome for all the pictures to be taken later with the baby. : )

My parents arrive to watch Saben and we hurry out the door a few minutes late.

At the hospital I am nervous, but not terribly so. Now here's something I certainly don't remember from my first childbirth - how much the dang IV hurts when they insert it. I had no clue it was coming and it just kept hurting and hurting.... I survived until five minutes later when suddenly I got extremely light headed & my blood pressure dropped. My wonderful nurse kept assuring me that the IV was the worst part of the whole morning and she ended up being right.

My nurse Krista talked a mile a minute. This was a God send for me because I love being distracted when icky things are happening. When Saben was born, I spent the entire c-section calculating exactly what Kyle & I had been doing one year prior on our trip to Egypt. (laying on the beach in Sharmel Sheikh) We went into the operating room which was possibly the 2nd most terrifying part of the morning. Something about the table, bright lights, lots of blue sheets, and it was FREEZING.

I buried my head in the nurses chest and survived my spinal block. Then I found out that not only was my nurse chatty, she also loved gardening. So we chatted about her favorite roses while they got me ready for surgery.

Kyle came in, my doctor arrived and I laid there waiting for it to start, talking with Kyle the whole time. He peeked over the bluesheet and to my relief, told me that they had actually started quite some time ago. Euphoria flooded over me because everything I was nervous about was over and I was about to have a baby! Or maybe the anesthetician gave me a hit of something because I was loving every single person in the whole room.

A small tug and suddenly one of the nurses squawked. Oh wait, no, that was my daughter! The happiness I had always hoped for washed over me and Kyle looked over the sheet again to watch our daughter being born, head out, screaming her head off as they pushed on my upper abdomen to get the rest of her out.

The next five (It felt more like twenty) minutes were excruciating because I didn't get a single glimpse of her before they whisked her off to the cleaning table. Luckily I could hear her (quite loudly) the whole time and the first I saw of her was actually on the camera from a picture Kyle took of her getting cleaned up. (the one I posted previously actually)

FINALLY, they brought her over and I was able to snuggle and sort of hold her next to my head. Then off she went again with Kyle & the nurse for supposedly "5-10 minutes" while the doctor finished sealing me up. That was probably the loneliest part because no one in the room talked to me at all. Sort of weird, but hey, it can't all be perfect right? I swear it took at least 15 minutes and finally we were back in our room and I got to hold and nurse Annika for the first time.

After 1 1/2 hours of "recovery", Saben got to come in with Kyle to meet his sister. Its a little hazy, but pretty much his whole attitude about her from the get go has been "uh huh. That is a baby, just like you said mom. Can I go play now?" Grandparents came in shortly after and visited for about 30 minutes. Saben got his railroad crossing sign and his eyes lit up much more than they had for his new sister.

Our pastor came next and its funny to call him that because I've felt so "churchless" since we've moved here, drifting from one place to another. It was so nice to finally feel like we actually had "our pastor".

In the evening we were flooded with visitors. My brother & sister-in-law drove all the way up from Seattle, which was the nicest thing ever. Kevin, Cam & Mike all showed up from transition bikes and Kevin amused us with his caricatures of the other guys, done on Saben's magnadoodle.

Thursday evening, 48hours from our final steak meal, I was finally allowed solid food again. By Thursday lunch I was starting to turn into a basket case because I was so hungry. As much as I am madly in love with St. Joseph's ice machine and cranberry juice, woman can not live on fabulously crunchy ice alone.

The days in the hospital whizzed by and I so appreciated everyone who came to visit us and keep me company. Kyle left on Friday for several hours to meet his other "baby" for the first time - the brand new women's bike, fresh in from Taiwan. Its right there in the midst of al our other baby pictures and makes me chuckle each time I see it.

The best thing about this childbirth is that I was so much more relaxed and happy. I had a really hard time with Saben - I think it was actually the magnesium they put me on for my pre-eclampsia, combined with the shock of everything and it basically had me comatose emotionally for about 3 days. So I am so thankful that I got to experience all the excitement, euphoria and happiness this time around.

Ok, by now I am sure I've lost most readers, but it completely amazes me how much I've forgotten about Saben's birth and my pregnancy, so I've really tried to recreate it all for myself to read later. .

Annika Noelle

born July 18th, 10:34 am

9lbs 4oz, 22 1/2 inches

Yummm!!!

Saben shocked mama by drawing his first "face" the night before Annika was born

Men, listen up....

What NOT to say to your nervous squeamish wife the morning before her scheduled C-section.

"My friend watched his sister get a cesarian and said it almost made him puke because her guts fell out of her belly"

I post this because the only way I can fight the insanity of such a mental picture is to try to laugh.

Waiting...

How we've been passing the time:

• 2 hour meals of fresh caught dungeness crab in the cool evening air on our back patio. (speaking of which, I killed my first non-insect creature today! Quite a long way for an ex-vegetarian to come...)


• Watching Saben poke ants with sticks while we enjoy our crab. Who ever thought a child of mine would take such delight in killing things. Then again, I did kill a crab today...four of them in fact. And yes, we would have eaten all four if it weren't for my tiny baby squished tummy. But leftover crab for tomorrow is divine as well.


• Picnic dinners at the lake, me swimming in my giant tent suit but feeling so wonderful to be weightless and cool.


• Lounging in the kiddie pool with Saben in the backyard, squished into my bikini because even the tent suit felt too hot, praying nobody unannounced showed up.


• A fun trip to Lummi Island where we lounged on the beach, had fish and chips and had to run for our ferry.
  
• Reading "Eat, Pray, Love" by Elizabeth Gilbert and spending way too much time daydreaming about someday spending a summer eating my way through Italy.
  
• Trying really hard not to get depressed when my 5 minutes apart Braxton Hicks don't go anywhere.
  
• Finally getting some wonderful pregnancy pictures taken by Vale. (see below)

Surprises

6 days till C-day. I realized today that I have passed the point where I would definitely consider a VBAC. If I went into labor tomorrow it would be one week early which is exactly when I had Saben and he was big enough to sort of freak me out.

I also realized today, as I started to imagine not going into labor at all but just showing up for my appointment next Wednesday, that going into labor is the one thing I had really hoped to do. Even if I ended up choosing a c-section once I went into labor, there is something about the unpredictability, surprise and excitement of spontaneous labor that I love, getting to call Kyle and tell him, feeling those initial contractions, heading off for the hospital....And something about just showing up to get cut open that really freaks me out.

Obviously there are still 6 days for labor to happen, but I think I had been positive it would happen because Saben was so early. Of course I also assumed Saben would be late and was quite wrong, so it would make sense that if I assume she's going to be early that she won't be.

Funny thing is that all this was sort of depressing me today and now that I wrote it all down I think it might be ok after all. There might be something special about going to bed knowing that you will meet your baby bright and early the next morning. Just getting used to the idea I suppose.

For some reason writing feels completely beyond me right now, everytime I read what I wrote it barely makes sense and is all cluttered and messy so I rewrite it and its just as bad. But I really want to save all these thoughts, so here they are...

One last thing to say, I am so extremely grateful right now that I tolerate heat so well. I always sort of thought I was meant to live in a desert climate (like say Egypt or Africa, NOT arizona) because ever since my first mission trip to Mexico I've realized the heat doesn't bug me like it does a lot of people. (for some reason I was the only one who volunteered to help roof the house we were building in 90 degree heat)

Now take away my food and that is an entirely different story. We all have our weaknesses, right?

Oh wait, scratch that, it is now 94, up two degrees in the last 15 minutes. Which is the hottest temp in Puget Sound right now and ties the ALL TIME hottest temperature in Bellingham. And its only 1pm.

It is 92 degrees in Bellingham and I am 38 1/2 weeks pregnant.

Father's Day

A bit late (can you see I'm playing catch-up here?) but I wanted to put in a plug for the Lake Whatcom Railway which we went on for Father's day. The train itself only goes about 10 mph so it might bore older kids, but it was pure heaven for a train obsessed 2 yr old.

We actually got lost on the way out there and came really really close to missing the train when we arrived 15 minutes late. (Silver lining - I called Miss Crafty Mama to see if she could look up a map for us and became one of the first to find out she was in labor and at the hospital) So give yourself lots of time and remember that there are no signs for anything out there.

After a 30 minute ride & 15 minutes of manuevering to get the train "turned" around, they stop at a park and you can explore the train, tracks, ride a hand car, etc. The staff is so nice & friendly and obviously love what they are doing. Then its 30 minutes back, for a nice 1 1/2 - 2 hour excursion.

Saben LOVED walking on the train tracks

Leaving was just a bit traumatic

Berries

My VERY favorite thing lately has been picking strawberries with Saben in our yard. He asks to go do it almost everyday.

We also went to pick some at a local farm last week and that was really fun because we went with a boy Saben's age. They were so cute running around and exploring. We had one little scare where they disappeared, but pregnant momma sprinted across the strawberry fields and found them playing on the toy train at the farm.

Saben is just reaching the age where he interacts and talks with other kids his age and I looooove watching him & listening to them talk. It is the cutest thing in the world.

Speaking of energy levels being cut in half, this week I can not even imagine how I managed to pick strawberries and make a batch of jam last week.