Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Christmas Rants

A couple cheerful holiday rants that have been on my mind lately and will (hopefully) amuse you this last week before Christmas...

(well they may amuse you if you're a stay at home mom who's weekly highlights include baking cookies & reading Martha Stewart magazines)

1) Baking. I made a bunch of cookies this weekend and was befuddled that every single recipe calls for room temperature butter. Does ANYONE really use room temperature butter? Do they wake up in the morning and think "oh, maybe I should pull some butter out of the fridge so that its ready for cookies this afternoon"? Cookbook authors must be aware that 99.9% of us stick the dumb thing in the microwave and hopefully pull it out before it makes a buttery mess. Why do they insist on writing "room temperature"? It would be so much more helpful if they gave us the exact seconds to nuke the thing to make it close to room temperature.

2) Martha. Every time I start to fall back in love with Martha Stewart, she does something to annoy me. This year's special "make your own gifts" magazine looked beautiful and awesome. Unfortunately the store ran out before I bought one, so I settled for her monthly magazine instead. I was chugging along, pleased as punch, until I came upon the article "Holiday Color Schemes". Actually it was the photos that did me in, particularly the "Citrus Christmas".

"Citrus Christmas" featured a photo of Christmas morning at some poor family's house where every single bleecarkin item was color coordinated. Lemon, orange and lime stockings, matching tree, carefully orchestrated citrusy present wrappings.... I could almost handle it. But the fact that the jubilant tots diving for their gifts were wearing matching citrus toned pajamas did me in. As if they were just one more accessory that needed to be coordinated.

All I could think of was some crazy psycho mom yelling at her kids "what are you doing wearing those red pajamas! You know we are citrus toned this year, what are you thinking!!!! You're not opening a single present until you go put on the lime green ones I bought you!" Then the lemon yellow couch started to peeve me as well..... Who has a couch that matches their christmas decorations?

Oh well, I'm sure I'll forget in a month or two and be back for more.


andi said...

Will you still love me if I tell you that I put butter out the night before so that it will be room-temperature?

I will have to check out the citrusey Christmas- sounds scary!

P.S. You can borrow my copy of the special holiday MS issue if you want- it was super cool and had lots of beautiful ideas in it!

Rebekah said...

you seriously crack me up! I am with you, I always nuk the butter until it starts to sizzle...I love Martha but you are totally right about the citrus Christmas it was over the line :)...you just reminded me - I was going to try Martha's peppermint chocolate cookies tonight but my butter is in the freezer...crap.

misha said...



The more I know you, the more I adore you.

Did you hear about what Martha confessed to owning on satellite radio recently? Not sure if it's colour co-ordinated, though.

Kristen said...

kari, you are hilarious. i love it. merry christmas, friend!

Jenny said...

what's wrong with color coordinating the couch?

i don't get it ;)